CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The Italian Opera

Mathilde sometimes regretted her happiness with Julien. I made a mistake, she thought, but at least I made a mistake with a man of character. It wasn't his good looks, but his mind.

It was foolish of me, she thought, to be angry because he expressed his love. Am I not his wife? This thought came naturally.

As she thought, she drew in her diary. When she looked down, she saw that she had drawn a picture of Julien. It's a sign from heaven! She thought. She stayed in her room until her mother made her leave for the opera.

At the opera she could not speak. The music filled her heart. Thanks to her love of music, she felt the way Mrs de Rênal did when she thought of Julien. She believed she had defeated love.

Julien did not understand any of this. He had a strong sense of honor, though, and he could not ask anyone for advice. From his window he saw Mathilde walking in the garden. When she left, he went down and walked in her steps. He looked up at her window, and he saw her light go out.

In one instant he decided. I will go to her room. He went to the ladder. It was chained up. In a moment of extreme strength, he broke the chain. He flew up the ladder and knocked. The window opened and he fell inside, more dead than alive.

"So it's you, my love!" she said, throwing herself into his arms.

No words can describe Julien's happiness. Mathilde's was almost as great.

"Punish me!" she said. "You are my master, I am your slave." Julien had to stop her from cutting a bunch of hair off her head. "I want to remember that I'm your servant."

They had made too much noise, and Mrs de la Mole woke up next door. Julien held her one last time, and then he jumped out of the window. He did not climb down the ladder. He slid. When he got down, he realized that he was bloody and he had no clothes. Something fell into his hands. It was some of Mathilde's hair.

"This is what your servant sends you," she said loudly. "You will always be my master."

He almost went back to the room, but his reason won.

The next day Julien saw the damage. Everyone could see that the side of her head had almost no hair. She was never alone that day. Later she said, "My mother has ordered my maid to stay in my room tonight."

Julien was on top of the world. The next day at lunch Mathilde was cool, however. Her whole behavior had changed. She seemed to regret her actions.

What have I done? He thought. I must kill my heart.

Julien took his horse out and rode until he could not move. Julien is dead, he thought. Only his body still moves.

(end of section)